The Ballad of Silk the Slinky.

Gyrax reaches for a two-handled mandolin...

"Once upon a gilded time
there lived a princess fair.
Her home a tower of stone and lime
Her braid its only stair.

"A ring of basalt 'round the shaft
grew into a lofty wall.
A moat of evil look and craft
withheld its prize from all.

"Without, a no-man's land was staked
by packs of devil-hounds.
Within, a gang of spiretop drakes
Patrolled the compound grounds.

"T'was many a youthful lad in bloom.
(And occasional youthful maid)
Who tried their luck and found their doom
Whilst trying the tower to raid.

"But lo, it came to pass one night
that Silk came into town
To brave where Prince, and Lord, and Knight
had all been beaten down.

"He carefully surveyed the dale
With instruments precise.
He bought the barflies grog and ale
And filtered fact from lies.

"For weeks he'd spy through rain or sleet
On each marauding dog
'Til every sentry's nightly beat
Was detailed in his log.

"His plan thus made, he set his snare
Upon the clueless pack
A poison-coated chestnut mare
They were quick to attack.

"Two minutes wait would see them fall
Before our clever gnoll
And walking to the fortress wall
Became a pleasant stroll.

"He looked the hunk as he spelunked
Across the inky moat
"This keep's cred looks all but debunked"
He felt obliged to gloat.

"His breath he held as he rappelled
The castle's igneous wrap.
He chanced a laugh once he beheld
The drake gang's feeble trap.

"The brutes screeched out an evil caw
and circled around Silk
in full accordance to the law
and nature of their ilk.

"Unless your surname be deSade
I think I'll skip this chapter
What, with the organs, bone and blood...
My lunch might follow after!

"His foes defeated (most hardcore),
Silk tried his alpine skill.
Three climber's kits were spent before
He grasped the window sill.

"The princess eeked a frightened squeak
As Silk entered her chamber.
So wild he seemed! Less fit to seek
her love than seek to maim her!

"Silk smiled his most disarming smile
To put the girl at ease.
He took two steps with grace and guile
And fell down to his knees

""I've been commissioned," Silk declared
Your serfs' regards to send..."
And thus the Princess' Reign of Terror
Came finally to a end!"

HOLY SHIT THIS IS AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!

I was a bit worried at the end there but it turned out perfect! It couldn't have ended any other way!

You rock so hardcore!

Heheh! It was really the very last line that popped into my head and inspired the whole thing. I'm so very glad you liked it, because it was a ton of work. Fun, though.

You should totally multi-class into Bard.

Awesome Gyrax!

And because hard work is rewarded, 50xp will be added to your sheet!

Thank you for sharing!

So hardcore. Honestly. Simply amazing. You got a lyrical gift there!

Aw, thanks for your comments, guys. I'm a total compliments slut. No denying it.

Aren't we all?

Nah, I'm just a regular slut.


Kidding! Just kidding!

Better than being an irregular slut.

LOL true!

how does that work? irregular slut? maybe I don't want to know.

Should I just reference your drawings, which I still havent' looked at yet.

Oh, I'm not that kinky.... yet.

Is this the part where I insert some kind of skeleton joke?

Isn't it always?

Well, yeah, just that this especially sounds like it needs one. Maybe I should bone up on making skeleton jokes...

WAAAAAAMP WAAAMP WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMP.

The sound a kobold makes when masturbating?

I thought their arms were too short for that.

You're thinking of Tyrannosauri. Come to think of it, poor guys!

And Yoshis.

NO!, that was supposed to be the soud that is made when a really bad joke is told. OMG! You guys are too much.